Supporting the Open Heart
by Maryann Marks
Do you ever get that anxious feeling when you think about asking a friend for support? The anxiety level that often hits me when I start to ask for help has surprised me. Being a curious person, I have spent some time wondering why I would feel this way. Some of the “reasons” I come up with are: fear of rejection, fear of bothering someone, and the fear of being humiliated.
Being a therapist, I know these are all old childhood wounds that I should be able to get over. I can say that for the most part, I just acknowledge them and ask for help anyways. But, my confession to you is that sometimes I just don’t ask for help. I assume that the other person will not help. By making the decision for them, I lose out on many opportunities for support. So, I’m on the exercise machine at the gym. This is where I get a lot of my inspiration, by the way. I am listening to a poem by Hafiz; he is asked if he is a man or a woman? Something like “What is it like be a man?” Hafiz answers, “a better question would be what is it like to be a heart. “
I thought about what it is like for me when I am an open heart. Being a person who likes to experiment with things, I thought about someone I wanted to ask for help and the feeling of anxiety came over me just thinking about it. Then I opened my heart, which is really an individual experience. I feel myself expanding not feeling closed, shut down or contracted in fear. I imagine that love is penetrating every cell in my body and that love is available right now to me; there is no scarcity. With this feeling of open heartedness, I imagined myself asking that same person for help. No anxiety arises. Hey, it works. So, I try it the next day when some conflict comes up in business dealing. I’m disappointed about the way I am treated. I open my heart, and experience a very peaceful feeling. The conflict passes, and miraculously, the person offers me something I really want.
The point of this, for me, is to return to this open heart no matter what the outcome. I have another experience with an old friend that was very bitter. I keep opening my heart to the thoughts that arise with openheartedness. She may never change, but I change immediately, when I open my heart to her, knowing there is nothing else to say or do
